Chapter 14

Do nightmares come true? I believe they do because it happened to me. Several years ago, I had a bad dream, one of those screaming, but no sound came out type of dreams. One of those bad dreams when you keep telling yourself this is not real! It’s not happening! Wake up! Wake up! A dream so bad it stays with you for years to come. Then it happens. It actually comes true. I never imagined one day that horrible nightmare I had so many years ago would come back, but it did. It came true to life.

I had been up waiting for Joe to get home; it was late. Finally, I heard him come in at 3 a.m. he unlocked the front door, and I listened to his bedroom door slam shut. Okay, I can go to sleep now, so I thought. Joe worked as a server at a local fine-dining restaurant; he loved his job. He was good at it because he had a fantastic personality and got along great with people. He made friends quickly, and the customers loved him.

I went to sleep and had a dream about Joe and me. It was one of those deep, dark nightmare dreams. We were in a big field. Joe wanted to fly a kite he had bought. As he holds on to the string, the kite is flying high with the wind. Suddenly I noticed the wind picking up, and I could feel it getting stronger. I’m watching Joe. And he’s running while still holding onto the kite string. I notice the kite start to go higher up in the sky. I tried to get joes attention, but he couldn’t hear me. I’m trying to cry out his name, but there’s a stillness in the air. No sound is coming from me, only silence.

My mind is shouting, “Joseph! Let go of the kite! Let it go!” I was crying, but no tears fell from my eyes. I’m watching the kite, and it’s taking Joe with it. He’s too high up, and I can’t reach him. I’m screaming again, trying to find him, but he’s gone. He’s gone. Just like that, Joe had vanished into thin air. I’m on the ground wailing and still cannot hear my crying. I kept telling myself this was a dream. This wasn’t real wake up, Elaine! Wake up! It seemed like an eternity when I finally opened my eyes, and my husband was shaking me. My whole body was trembling, and I was soaking in sweat. I felt sick to my stomach and ran into the bathroom to vomit. When my husband asked me about my dream, I couldn’t even talk about it. I ran to Joe’s room, and he was in bed, sleeping.

The following day I called my spiritual prayer person. I had met him thru a mutual friend. Some people often refer to him as a prophet. I call him my prayer man. I seek his advice on anything happening in my life, and he guides me thru prayer. I told him about my dream and the kite taking Joe away. He carefully explained what it meant, and it was not good. He told me Joe needed to be careful, to take care of the gift God has given him, his body. My Prayerman also told me Joe had time to fix it, but if he didn’t stop, it would end badly. I asked explicitly, was Joe going to die? He told me there’s still time. I hung up the phone, and I cried myself to sleep. I remember feeling like my whole body had been hit by a big truck. How would I explain this to Joe? I had no clue.

The following day, I told my son about my nightmare. Then, I told him everything my prayer man had shared with me. He got furious; I had never seen him so pissed off. He walked outside to talk to his dad about everything I had just told him. They both came at me with questions and made me feel like I had betrayed my Joe. It was awful. I took that horrible dream and everything my Prayerman told me, and I shoved it down into a dark hole in my mind. I told myself to never talk about it again. It was a stupid nightmare. What was I thinking? Why did I take this to Joe? Was my prayer man wrong about my son? I stopped all communication with him.

A few years later, on May 29, 2018, at 11:14 am, I got a phone call. It was the deputy coroner, and she called to tell me my son had died. I went into shock at that moment. This was my nightmare, and it was back. I thought if I kept telling myself, this was a bad dream, maybe I would wake up as I did before, and it wouldn’t be real. I repeated, “it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s or real” over and over again. I began to pinch the skin on my arms, face, and hands. Shouting, wake up, Elaine! Wake up! But this time, it was not a bad dream. It was real. Unlike before, when I got home, I ran to joes room opened his door but he wasn’t there. He will never be there again on his bed sleeping, not never. And, just like that, Joe disappeared into the clouds. We could not fix it this time. He was gone. Forever.

To My Son,

People tell me it’s been three years I need to live in the present, not the past. I am trying for you, Joseph, and your sisters. But this shit is hard. I know you would want me to be happy, to move forward, but it was you who made me happy. I love you so much, my son. I will do my best here in this world without you. I do know every day that passes; I’m one day closer to being with you again.

Love,

Your Mehhh

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
E.M. Suarez

E.M. Suarez

I’m a mother of 3 children. I unexpectedly lost my only son on 5/28/18. I love to write about Joe’s life. Say his name. He deserves to be remembered.