Here I Am At Year Three Pushing Through

Chapter 10.

The first year on Mothers Day, it was blurred pain. I couldn’t feel anything, my mind and body were numb to life. But, year 2, I realized the truth of my uninvited grief journey; Joe was not coming back. Now, year 3 is here. Mothers Day with my beautiful daughters and grandbabies is beyond the glory of joy, but we are still missing one person. My son, Joseph, and we all feel the absence of his life.

I pulled out his Mothers Day cards from years before, I read and reread each one. As much as it shatters my soul, I have to keep pushing thru this pain or it will sit there and marinate in my soul. The option to not push thru this “thing” called grief is simply doesn’t exist. I MUST keep trying.

I remember previous years, every morning, Joe would be the first one to say Happy Mothers Day and would make sure his sisters knew he was first. First, to give me a gift, to say I love you, to tell me how beautiful I looked in my new Mothers Day dress. He was my “forever first; he still is my first.”

For 27 years, I had Joe here to give his love to me as his mother, and he always made me feel happy and proud. But, then again, he made every day so special, but on my day, he made it more beautiful! I woke up this morning, I could see his big beautiful smile, and I could hear his raspy voice, “Maaa, I love you, have a Happy Mothers Day with my sisters and my nephews & nieces. I’m right here, Momma; I’ll always be right here. But, I need you to be happy. Please.”

A couple of Joe’s cards he gave me. ❤️

Mothers Day
My Birthday

So, that’s what I’m going to do today. I’m going to give all I have to hold on to my tears and be joyful for the years God gave me, Joe. I miss every part of his life, but I’m going to keep pushing, especially today.

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E.M. Suarez

E.M. Suarez

I’m a mother of 3 children. I unexpectedly lost my only son on 5/28/18. I love to write about Joe’s life. Say his name. He deserves to be remembered.